The wind rustled through the trees causing pine needles to shimmer and spiral down towards the ground. Kahlan had long ago stopped listening to Zedd as he rambled on to Richard about some of his exploits in the past with the hopes that his young student would find some lesson from his misadventures. Her travelling companion interjected questions at just the right times, so it appeared that Richard was paying attention to whatever Zedd was teaching. Every time she snuck a glance at him, she noticed that his eyes were glued to the road ahead, never veering in her direction.

He had changed…they had changed…and it was all her fault.

She also knew that Zedd was keeping up his constant line of dialog in order to fill the empty vacuum of silence that filled their travel otherwise. Ever since Richard’s escape from the clutches of the Mord Sith’s and his learning the truth about her powers there was an awkward tension between them that neither could ignore, nor did they know what to do about it. Her mind wandered back to her conversation with Zedd the previous evening.

She absently traced shapes into the dirt while Richard picked up all of their dinnerware to clean up after meal. She had offered to help him but he refused her assistance. Kahlan felt like he’d just kicked her in the gut. The towering wizard stared kindly at his female traveling companion and waited until Richard was far from camp before saying, “You both have to get past this impasse, Kahlan.”

Her pale blue eyes briefly met his and she shrugged. “I don’t know how, Zedd.” Her eyebrows arched and she stated, “I betrayed him…you were right I should have told him from the very beginning. Had he not been allowed to develop fantastical crazy ideas about us, we could’ve just been…”

Zedd heard her sigh as she trailed off. He could see the pain etched over her face like lines on a roadmap leading to a dead end.

“I knew it was wrong, Zedd, but his enthusiasm, his pure joy in me was infectious. He treated me like a normal person,” Kahlan said, pressing her palm against her chin hoping to stop what promised to be the onslaught of tears. “I’ve never had anyone treat me like that before…other than my mother.”

“Child, I know that it’s difficult…”

“No you don’t, Zedd!” Kahlan pointed at him. “You got to get married…you got to experience the full joy of love. What about me? Why can’t I ever be allowed to feel that? Why am I cursed to dole out pure love to anyone…particularly those who do not deserve it, yet I can’t give my soul completely to the one person who I WANT to give it to? If I did, he’d be lost forever because of my own greed and selfishness.”

She stared long into the fire as it crackled and popped infusing the air with smoldering pine aroma. “There’s no way around what I am Zedd, I’m a monster and now Richard knows it.”

A flicker of a smile formed on Zedd’s lips. “Richard does not see you as a monster, child. He is hurt…very hurt. I don’t believe that he blames you though. I know that you had tried to explain to him why you held back from telling him, but perhaps you need to try again. I don’t think he quite understands why it is that his friendship and affection were so important to you. You have to talk to him.”

“He’s changed, Zedd. That woman may not have fully broken him, but something snapped inside of him. I feel like my Richard is gone,” she whispered.

“Yes, Richard is different,” Zedd agreed, sadly. “That Mord’Sith took away the last of the innocence that Richard had been holding onto. He’s no longer a boy. He’s a man.” His eyes darted her way. “You have to now treat him as such.”

The memory evaporated into the retreating daylight and Kahlan felt the warmth of Richard’s gaze peering in her direction. She met his brown eyes and her heart leapt in her chest, seeing that he had a small smile on his face.

“What is it?” she asked.

Richard moved towards her and brushed a few pine needles from her hair. Zedd immediately noticed their small interaction and declared, “I think we should set up camp. This looks like a splendid place.”

“I’ll go hunt us up some dinner,” Richard stated and then darted into the woods.

Kahlan could still feel phantom tingles from where his fingers had accidentally brushed her neck. Her heart fell with his absence. Silently she and Zedd worked on creating a clearing for them to sleep around and she gathered up wood for their fire. After arranging her belongings she grabbed their canteens and told Zedd that she was going in pursuit of water, he didn’t stop her. The ancient wise men watched the young woman as she trudged off into the woods, both she and Richard held an air of fatalism over them as the full realization that they could never be together had finally sunk in. His concern ran deep – the last thing he needed was for the two of them to start feeling like they had nothing to live for. He prayed that they could get past this barrier that had been erected around them. If only they knew…he felt horrible that he had to keep the answer to himself. If only Kahlan had seen Laura die…she would have understood, Kahlan could have hope to hold onto. However, she had not and as a result she was lost.

The Confessor barely registered landmarks as she wove her way through the trees, engulfed in her own misery. She tried to listen for the sound of running water but words kept interfering, “I know…she told me. Do you have any idea what it was like hearing it from HER and not you?”

She smashed her palm against her temple, wishing that she could crush the hateful words out of her mind. He hated her…he had to…he had every reason to now. Without realizing it she had stumbled upon a small stream. Kahlan flopped her knees into the soft musty ground and found a nice spot by the water’s flow and began filling their canteens. When done she patted down her neck and face with water and tried to hold back the queasy feeling that had been her constant companion ever since she ordered Richard to bury his feelings for her. Two doves suddenly shot out from the underbrush and began pursuing each other in the air. Kahlan watched as they began a mating dance and eventually flew off together. Something deep inside of her broke and a well of pain unleashed itself. Clutching her arms across her stomach, Kahlan began to cry, deep, soul emptying sobs. Her entire body shook as she wailed. She didn’t know how long she sat there crying, but every ounce of agony, misery, depression, loneliness, and yearning exploded out of her and all that she wanted was to rid herself of this horrific source of pain that had grabbed hold of her and refused to let go. Wailing in misery she grabbed hold of the beast and expelled it from her body.

Richard was in the process of tying a rabbit to a spit when suddenly there was thunder without sound.

“Kahlan?” Without a second thought, sword in hand, Richard flew through the forest, rabbit long forgotten. He couldn’t hear anything that suggested a battle was ensuing, no sounds of metal crashing, no heavy footsteps. Panic bristled through every fiber of his being at what the implication of that might mean. He could still feel the faint reverberations of Kahlan’s powers being unleashed and he followed them like a homing beacon towards her location that was buried deep in the forest. In the dying light of the late afternoon he finally saw her the underbrush making her almost near impossible to see. His skilled trackers eyes deciphered her slumped, unmoving form whereas most others would’ve run right past her body because her green traveling dress blended perfectly into the surroundings. Richard’s heart seized in his chest and his palms began to sweat as panic began to impair his judgment. “Dear spirits…no.” Not seeing any sign of trouble, Richard raced towards her, fell to his knees, and immediately cradled her upper body into his arms.

“Kahlan?” He pushed her thick brunette hair out of her eyes and realized that her face was wet. He felt her skin, it was warm and she was breathing. A maddening sensation of fear travelled through every nerve in his body as she didn’t immediately start to respond to his touch. “Kahlan?” he whispered. “Come on, come back to me…” He saw their canteens scattered around the ground, picked one up, and gently opened her mouth and dribbled a little water into it. She swallowed and opened her eyes. Torment marred every crevice on her face with her wildly bloodshot eyes burning through him like lost beacons trying to permeate a thick fog.

“You went the other way…how did you get here?” she meekly asked.

Richard stared at her with disbelief and relief that she was seemingly alright. “I felt you unleash your power. What happened Kahlan, were you attacked?”

She sheepishly turned away from his caring eyes and attempted to extract herself from his tight embrace. “Not from the D’Harans if that’s what you’re asking. I’m fine, Richard.”

He refused to let go of her and pushed her hair off of her shoulder. There he gently rested his chin. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what just happened Kahlan.”

Kahlan felt his warm breath on her neck and she desperately wished that he would kiss her again. His large hands covered both of hers over her stomach and his fingers fought to free hers from their hold around her own torso. When he got them free, he knotted their hands together. For some odd reason, all Kahlan could fixate on was that her hands must be dirty.

With little emotion in her voice, Kahlan said, “Are you sure you want to do that? Aren’t you worried that I’ll Confess you?”

“Not particularly, no. From what I’ve gathered, you aren’t able to release your power again immediately after you’ve released it, so I think that I’m safe. Besides, you’d never hurt me, Kahlan…at least not with your power.”

She blinked as fresh tears rose on her face. “You’re right, I do that by stomping on and throwing away the trust that you had in me.”

Puzzled by her reply, Richard released his hold on her and turned her face towards his own. “Is that what this has been all about? You think I’m angry at you for not telling me about your power?”

In an uneven voice, Kahlan replied, “There is no deeper betrayal, Richard. You have every right to hate me.”

“Hate you?” Richard’s near black eyes went wide and then bore into hers. “Do you need to me tell you that I forgive you? Will you stop punishing yourself if I do that?”

“Only if you meant it. Although I wouldn’t blame you for lying to me,” she responded. “I don’t deserve your pity.”

“Kahlan…” he stared deeply into her eyes. “I haven’t been blaming you all of this time for your not telling me about what your ability could do to me…I…if I’ve been silent, or distant it’s because I’ve been trying to work some things out for myself.” He brushed her silky hair out of her face, he always thought that it felt like rich threads of expensive silk. He sat back on his knees and straightened his back and pulled away from her. “My eyes are no longer shut, Kahlan. I’m no longer that stupid boy who refused to listen and see what was right in front of me all along. Zedd tried telling me, you did…hell even Renn practically told me what you were hiding from me. If I’d sat down and put the pieces together, I could’ve figured it out. But I was so blind with my…well I was so blind that I didn’t want to see the whole picture. It wasn’t your fault…the fault was mine for not thinking.”

“How could you know, Richard? You wouldn’t…you don’t understand my ability…not many people do, it’s why I’m so feared. People fear what they don’t understand and I’ve learned to live with that. I think I shielded you from the truth because if you did know, I knew that you would start to fear me as well.” She stared miserably at him. “How can I protect you if you’re afraid of me?”

“And how can I protect you if you think that I don’t believe in you?” Richard countered.

A sliver of a smirk itched up the corner of Kahlan’s mouth. “We’re a sorry pair aren’t we?”

Richard offered her a small smile back. “Perhaps, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

She ripped her eyes off of his penetrating gaze and stared into the growing darkness. “Why did I release my power?”

“Yes.”

“My power is comprised with pure, unfiltered, true love. I thought maybe if I could expel that which resided in me that was causing so much pain then I wouldn’t feel so miserable anymore.” She turned and noted the alarmed expression on Richard’s face. “Of course I can’t Confess myself. Nobody can confess me….nobody can truly love me…it’s a curse that I bear that no one who isn’t a Confessor herself could ever understand.”

“Believe it or not, I do know what it’s like to be you, I can save whole villages from evil, I can defeat injustice with this magical sword in my hand, I can bring hope to people who have none, but I can’t bring pure joy to the one person who means the most to me. I can’t ever have my feelings reciprocated because if they were…my mind would be destroyed by the only one who matters in my life.” Richard’s jaw line was hard. There was still a faint trace of the scar that he had over his right eyebrow from being beaten by Denna, it stood out in the fading afternoon light. “I can never be loved in return by the one person who I’m pretty certain was meant for me. You tell me that there is no greater pain out there than that and that I can’t understand it? My time with Denna not only taught me to suffer in silence but it taught me that pain is universal – we all experience it in some way or another. You and I we share a common pain that no body else in the world can understand.” He let out a small laugh. “Maybe we’re not supposed to be in love, maybe we’re supposed to be deep pain for each other.”

Kahlan felt like bawling again, her shoulders collapsed and her body caved in on itself. She held back her tears; she’d pitied herself enough for one day. The last of the afternoon light retreated through the trees. Richard quickly scanned the area and found himself some twigs, moss, and thick branches and made a couple of torches for them. In the flickering light of the flames Richard studied Kahlan’s face. The red was quickly retreating from her eyes and she had raked her fingers through her hair smoothing it around her shoulders. No matter how much he tried to suppress his feelings, even covered in twigs and dirt the sight of her always took his breath away.

He threw a couple of their canteens over his shoulder and they walked back towards where he had dropped the rabbit with the hopes that some night creature hadn’t already run off with it.

Kahlan decided that she was tired of silence and stated, “You know all of my life, and I’ve never had a problem with my gift. Confessors are very special women. We come from a very select group of women who Wizards from long ago hand selected to have this gift. We were chosen because we are emotionally stable; we have great judgment, and are loyal in our devotion to the truth. A large part of me still doesn’t hate it…I would never wish this gift on anyone else.”

“But a part of you does.”

Her eyes locked on Richard’s as they walked side by side, not noticing that their stride was perfectly matched and that they were walking in perfect unison. “Of course. It’s the very thing that you must hate about me as well.”

Richard’s eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t even know you if you weren’t a Confessor, so how can I possibly hate your gift? Your gift brought you to me, it shapes all of the things that I admire the most about you, your strength, your courage, your unwavering devotion to justice and our mission…what you are is every bit a part of who you are, Kahlan. It makes you special.”

She stopped walking and burned her eyes into Richard’s. She had never had anyone say anything even remotely that kind about her power before. His eyes went hard. “Just because I admire how it’s shaped you, doesn’t mean that I like everything about your power. How can I?” Suddenly he was standing inches apart from her, the crackling flames of his torch popped and crackled near her left ear. “It prevents me from ever being able to show you the full depths of what I feel for you.”

For the briefest of moments Kahlan wondered if his words were said as a means to get back at her but his eyes held no malice in them, only sadness and yearning. As she stared into his dark eyes she saw the change that had taken place, Richard was no longer that eager young man who followed her every movement but was stronger…harder. Conflicting emotions raged inside of her, she was saddened by the change and yet she now saw traces of the man who could defeat Darken Rahl. Richard was more resolute and focused on their mission. With his no longer being distracted by his feelings for her the true Seeker was emerging. Instead of replying she just flashed him a large smile that was touched slightly by sad understanding.

She ripped her eyes off of his and together they began scanning the forest for night creatures as they came out to feed. Together they hunted down a large raccoon and brought it back to camp for dinner.

Zedd studied his two charges as they came into the campsite together. He was munching on a pear from a pile of them that he had picked from a lone tree not too far from their camp. The kindly old Wizard met Kahlan’s eyes and she lightly nodded her head. A feeling of relief flooded over the old man as he watched the two of them work together to skin and cook their dinner. He didn’t envy either one of them, the burden of power that they both possessed was harder than most mortals would be able to bare, a fate that young Gryff had learned all too well. Zedd knew that people probably thought that the journey that his group was on was a fun adventurous romp – if only they knew the truth with how painful it was for his two young charges. For now at least his team was back together and could again be focused on their current goal of heading to Queen Milena’s castle and stealing the Box of Orden before Darken Rahl could get his hands on it. If they could accomplish that then perhaps they would be that much closer to finishing and accomplishing their mission. After that, who knows, maybe both of his young charges would be able to reap many rewards that they both well deserved and earned.



The End.