LACKS in the Loft

The Players:

GRClark is George Reeves’ Clark Kent in the Adventures of Superman television series

CRClark is Christopher Reeve’s Clark Kent in the Superman movies

DCClark is Dean Cain’s Clark Kent in the New Adventures of Lois and Clark tv series

TWClark is Tom Welling’s ClarkKent in the Smallville television series.

Lois is Erica Durance’s Lois Lane in the Smallville television series.

LACKS stands for Live Action Clark Kent Society

GRClark climbed the stairs of the Kent barn loft. TWClark was staring out at the moon looking like he had lost his only friend. 

“I came as soon as I could,” said the older Clark watching TW brace himself on the window sill.

Two zips were heard and CRClark and DCClark appeared out of nowhere. “Did we miss anything?” ask CRClark.

“No,” GR shook his head somberly. 

“TW?” said DC.

“She left me!” shouted TWClark into the night sky. The intensity of it reverberated across the small farm and half the county.

Afterwards the silence was thick. Not even a cricket dared to chirp. 

“Of course Lana was going to leave him. Doesn’t he know the story?” whispered CRClark. 

“I don’t think he’s talking about SVLana,” said GRClark gravely looking at his two companions.

“What?” said DCClark in utter surprise. “No way!”

“That’s definitely not supposed to happen,” said CRClark. “Do you think it’s because he has all those other girls on the show?”

“Lois is a woman. She isn’t jealous of anyone. She knows how much we love her,” said GR as he spoke louder to TW. “Did she leave the show?”

TWClark turned to face them and shook his head no. “She told me if I didn’t get my shit together, there would be no more late night visits. No bantering. No checking each other out. Nothing!”

“Ohhhh, so she’s still on the show. There’s just not any . . . offstory offscreensville. said GRClark. “That’s a relief.   You’re Lois is a little dynamo. It’d be a shame to lose her.”

“GR, I don’t think you’re helping,” said CRClark watching TWClark become even more miserable. 

“What shit do you have to get together?” asked DC looking very puzzled.

TWClark looked at them as if it was screamingly obvious. “I’m a Clark Kent who can’t fly!”

“Well, she does have a point there,” said DC. The other two Clarks looked at him. “Hey, I’m just sayin.”

The other two Clarks nodded slightly, agreeing.

TWClark squinted at them. “I’m more screwed up than SRClark, aren’t I?”

Not used to lying to a fellow Clark, the other three shook their heads and said no while looking everywhere but at TWClark.

“I’m so screwed,” he said gritting his teeth. “I can’t fly and now . . .What is Clark Kent without a Lois Lane?”

The other three looked at each other and grimaced. 

“What did Lois say?” ventured CRClark.

“She said that I better get my head out of my ass and find my Kryptonian brains because sharing one with her cousin was in no way conducive to a more meaningful relationship with her!”

“Ouch!” said DCClark looking hurt for him and puzzled at the same time. “I thought that now SVLana was incapacitated that y’know . . .”

“Humph. She calls Brainiac out of deep space by getting blood on a stone and my life turns to major shit! We’re all supposed to feel sorry for her because she has cataracts and is rumored to be in terrible pain. Whatever. They still make me say her name and I act like I’m constipated with concrete.”

“This is not good!” said GRClark as he sat across from TW. 

“We heard the season wasn’t going so well for you and Lois,” said CRClark.

“More than heard,” added DCClark knowingly.

“Hey, I thought your creator-producers were leaving?” said GRClark. 

“Not til next season,” said TWClark quietly. “We still have to finish out this season with their concept.”

All the Clarks found a place to sit and think. “I can’t believe she left you,” CRClark finally said. “That is totally unbelievable. What happened?”

“Well, it’s probably more about what didn’t happened,” started TW. “We really haven’t had much interaction this season. Still don’t.”

“But that’s not your fault,” said GRClark. 

“No, but I did kind of mess up . . . See Lionel died.”

“Who the heck is Lionel?” asked DCClark.

“Lex prototype.  He had Lex’s source material history but was Lex’s father on the show. It’s sort of like Chloe, Lois’ cousin, is kind of proto-Lois. She has Lois’ history, but she followed me around like a puppy dog . . .”

“Lois doesn’t do that,” said GR. “When you get the cape, maybe . . . but certainly not now!”

“I know!” said TWClark. “She’s not the REAL Lois. It’s just that she was on the show first and then they brought EDLois on . . .”