To be stabbed or not to be stabbed

“Six days…” Morgoth hissed. “Six days we’ve been tracking this ranger and that cow with her dogs and what did we do?” He glared at his three companions, who said nothing. “Nothing.”

Finally, Hydraxon spoke up. “Well what do you want us to do? I, you and Balthier have not a single clue when this… thing is raping canon so badly we need to interfere. And Legolas only opens his mouth to put food in it lately. So Morgoth, tell me, what should we do?”

“Kill.” The vala said, as if it were the most obvious thing in Middle Earth. The Jailer sighed and gave the Vala a glare.

“And how do we do that without being seen?” He asked. To this Morgoth said nothing. Six days and this Rosa cow had done nothing bad yet, but already Morgoth wanted to kill her ten times over in the most gruesome ways. And all those ways did not involve not being seen.

“I do have to agree with sir Morgoth here about one thing” Balthier remarked. “I wonder why we can not just get rid of this Rosa thing and be done with it?”

Just then, a black portal opened and I walked out. “I’ll tell you why Balthier.” I said with disgust. I glared in the direction of Rosa, who was defiling Middle Earth at that very moment with just her presence. No sooner I laid an eye on her or my stomach twisted and I felt sick. I quickly looked away. “The point is our Sue there has made a mess of this place so that everybody ‘luvz’ her. We can’t kill her like that, it would mess up everything even more.”

“If that thing doesn’t die soon I’ll-” Morgoth began, but I interrupted him.

“Jeez Morgoth, let me finish first. What you guys need to do first is make the canon characters despise her, hate her, get sick of her and so on. That way, nobody will care if she dies or not. And when that happens…” I smirked. “She’s all yours.”

“I’m not usually into that stuff…” Balthier commented. “But I have to say, that does sound rather pleasant.”

I walked over to the skypirate and gave him a iPhone. He looked at it in confusion, then looked at me in confusion. “How in the world do I know what this is and how to work with it?” He asked me. I shrugged.

“Who cares, this is all one big mess anyway. You mysteriously knowing how to work with an iPhone really shouldn’t disturb people that much. I’ll call you guys when Rosa is planning to rape canon really badly.”

With that said, I opened a portal again, ready to go back. I glanced at the group. “I almost forgot: Rosa is about to mess with canon very soon. You’ll have to stop her from getting stabbed by the Witch King on the Weathertop.”

Legolas’ jaw dropped, but before he could utter a word, I was gone. As the portal closed, the elf cursed. Morgoth raised an eyebrow upon hearing the foul words that left the Elf’s mouth.

“Hearing master Legolas curse like that” Balthier said dryly. “I guess what Rosa is about to do is pretty bad?”

“More than pretty bad.” Legolas snorted. “It’s downright wrong.”

“Well then, in that case I propose we start going and prepare ourselves so we can stop our pray from twisting canon.” Hydraxon concluded, while checking his wristblades and his elbow-mounted boomerangs.

“I like the sound of that.” Morgoth grinned. “Oh yes, I really do…”

---

As the days passed, they soon reached Weathertop.

“This was the great watchtower of Amon Sûl,” Strider said.

“Weathertop.” Rosa commented softly.

Strider addressed the hobbits, “We shall rest here tonight,”

On a ledge above them, the four heroes sat, watching it all happen with disgust.

“So what’s the plan?” Balthier whispered, looking at his team-mates.

“Prevent Rosa from getting stabbed.” Legolas replied.

Hydraxon snorted. “I think Balthier wanted to know how we are going to do that.”

The Prince of Mirkwood frowned and thought deeply. He had to admit, he didn’t really have a plan. Finally, he grumbled: “It would help if we knew how Rosa is going to get itself stabbed.”

And out of nowhere, a bundle of papers dropped on the Elf’s head. He cursed silently and then looked at the paper. But he couldn’t make out anything on it. The paper was full of circles with different markings in them. Hydraxon noticed and his eyes widened in realization.

“It’s Matoran language.” He announced silently, snatching the bundle from Legolas. He began to skim through the pages. His eyes narrowed when he came across the part that contained the Nazgûl attack. “Oh Mata Nui…” He said with pure disgust.