Introduction

As they treaded deeper and deeper into the forest, Rosa felt a hum in her mind. This alarmed Rosa. “What the hell?!” she thought. “O…k. That was totally freaky.” Just as it came, it was gone.

Rosa didn’t understand what the deal was with the hum in her mind, so she just ignored it and continued on. Suddenly all three halted as they watched their surroundings become blur and dissolve.

“AARGH!!! I CAN NOT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!” I was so frustrated with this piece of utter crap I almost threw my laptop against the wall.

It pains me to inform you that I had just finished reading “Middle Earth’s Last Hope”. It was so disgustingly bad that I just had to keep reading. I still don’t understand. My eyes were bleeding and I barely resisted the urge to stab them out.

As I closed my internet and the shitty fanfic with it, I was beginning to ponder about what could be done.

“That Rosa rapes Lord of the Rings so bad it ain’t even funny. And it goes on and on and on…” As I wiped the blood out of my eyes, I let out a deep, frustrated sigh. “It pains me to think of all those unfortunate souls, not to mention the characters of Lord of the Rings themselves, who suffer and will suffer under Rosa’s presence.”

Something had to be done, I decided. But what?! After all, I was just an expert Dimension-hopper and Void-traveller. Then I suddenly got an idea. I might not be able to do anything by myself, but others just might…

I laughed evilly. “Rosa will regret the day she ever started to rape Tolkien’s magnificent world! BWAHAHAHAHA!”

---

There was a lot of murmuring and dissatisfied grumbling from the small group in the large round room.

“Where the hell am I?!” Somebody asked.

“I have no idea, I thought you knew!” Another voice replied.

“Am I dead?” Yet another asked.

“This must be the work of evil Pit-runners.” A cold voice said.

I rolled my eyes. The living beings I had gathered were a random bunch, but they would be perfect for the job I was going to give them. I choose that moment to enter the room. All stopped talking to look at me. Before they could say anything, I said something:

“Greetings, visitors from other dimensions. I know you have questions, are angry and the entire yada yada. There is no point in answering any of it, so I will get to the point.”

Seeing as nobody said anything, I continued:

“With my dimension-travelling powers I brought you here. I’m the only one who can bring you back to your worlds. And I will do so, if you all agree to do something for me.”

“And what would that be?” Hydraxon, ice-cold Jailer of the Pit asked.

“Have any of you ever heard of ‘Mary Sues’?” I asked. Everybody shook their heads, but upon hearing the word, a shiver ran down their spines. “Or better yet, do any of you know who Rosalyn Monroe is?” Again, they didn’t know, but again they shivered upon hearing that name.

“Rosalyn Monroe is a horrible something who is at this moment raping all the canon of Tolkien’s beautiful world called ‘Middle Earth’.”

“Wait a second, who is this Tolkien and why does he own Middle Earth?! Middle Earth is mine!”

“It isn’t anymore, Morgoth.” I replied with a grin. “I’m afraid your place as ‘the most evil being in Middle Earth’ has been taken by our dear Rosa.”

Upon hearing this, Morgoth became enraged. “WHERE IS THAT COW OF A HUMAN?! I’LL SHOW HER EVIL!”

“Actually, that’s what I want you guys to do.” I said with a shrug. They all looked at me with frowns on their faces. I shrugged again. “Listen, in my world thousands of people suffer by having read the ‘adventures’ of this horrid Mary Sue in Middle Earth. Do you have any idea how many children are blind because they stabbed their eyes out after reading? How many parents grieve because their children committed suicide after reading about Rosa? Not to mention how many went mad?!”

None said anything, they didn’t have to. All, including Morgoth, seemed horrified that one measly little human could cause all that.

“I’m powerless to do anything by myself, but I’m going to send you back in time to Middle Earth and you will have to do everything possible to stop Rosa from raping canon.”

“Why not just take her out of this Middle Earth like you took us out of our worlds?” A hand-some, smart sky-pirate by the name of Balthier wanted to know.