It was a day like any other for the inhabitants of the fair city of Tirion upon Eldamar. Yet, for many of its great and glorious, lords and princes, it was far from normal. For this day, a most important council had been called, for most grievous tidings had been brought from Middle-earth.

I know what you think, dear reader. Morgorth has arisen again, and the days of Reckoning are upon us! You would be wrong. To that high council were called all the Princes of the Noldor and their Lords and Captains, and the High-king himself, the mighty Finarfin. Though little did these events concern him.

“I mean, look at this,” cried Glorfindel, once a great lord of Turgon, and chief of the House of the Golden Flower, “Another one that pairs me with Ecthelion!”

“You think that's bad.” Grumbled Fingon, “at least you're not accused of incest. Honestly, what kind of elf do they think I am? Maedhros! he's my cousin! I couldn't look him in the face for weeks after reading them!”

“After all our mighty deeds, you'd think they'd write about our great courage! That's why we went to Middle-earth! So we could have songs sung about us for thousands of years!” Said Turgon, angrily. Many grumbles of agreement greeted this passionate statement.

“Well my son, what do you propose we do about it? Make war upon the Race of Men?” Quoth Fingolfin.

“Oh, father mine, you can sit there calmly, they are not interested in you!” Turgon replied.

“Oh, that is not strictly true” Spake Finarfin calmly, as was his wont “I read one this morning where he lay with Feanor.

“B-but he's my brother.” Sputtered Fingolfin, blanching. Rising suddenly from his seat, shadow looking across the table, he spake his doom.

“My Lords, too long have we suffered these slanderous allegations, the time has come for action and vengeance upon those who afflict us!” Throwing his arms in the air, his gaze swept imperiously across the table, as if daring others to gainsay him.

“What do you propose we do, oh brother mine?” Asked Finarfin...

As soon as the door shut, we leapt from our chair and raced upstairs, tearing off our clothes as we went. Thankfully my twin brothers, best friend, uncle and grandfather were already in my bedroom, lubed to the max. I dived naked into the sea of limbs, and we proceeded to fulfil one another's every desire...

Leaning in close, the lords read the three thousand page document, many murmers and exclamations peppering the air.

“Wonderful, you included my idea about the whips and chains!” Exclaimed Fingon happily

“Is that physically possible?” Finrod turned his head this way and that, looking at the accompanying illustrations with a frown on his face.

“My Lords. Our vengeance is complete.”